Meeting a grant funder or potential donor in person for the first time can be daunting!

Butterflies in your stomach and mind racing as you prepare to meet them wondering what will happen. 

Will you say the right things? What if there's an awkward silence? How do you bring up funding without seeming pushy?

In this tutorial, I'll share some simple tips to help calm your nerves, be prepared with conversation starter questions, and start building a real connection with your donor or grant funder. No fancy techniques or schmoozing required - just straightforward advice to help you be your best self, learn more about the donor, and start building a relationship.

Be yourself, personable, and down-to-earth

Remember that old saying? "They put their pants on the same way I do in the morning - one leg at a time." This couldn't be more true when meeting with donors or grant funders. At the end of the day, they're just people like you and me.

They have families they care about, hobbies they enjoy, and probably a favorite coffee order.

They have good days and bad days, just like the rest of us.

The person sitting across from you might be an avid gardener or a weekend golfer.

You can be professional, polite, and genuine by learning about who they are, listening, and asking questions. They typically have a willing heart to make a difference and you get to be part of helping them support causes that are important to them and their values.

Try to think of it as catching up with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Be genuine, listen to what they have to say, and help them learn what your organization does to help others in the community.

Remind yourself - they already know who you are and why you want to meet

Guess what? They already know what you're up to.

They know your role is to request donations. You've called them, emailed them, met them at an event, or even sent a letter of intent to tell them who you are and what you do.

"Hi, I'm so and so with {{nonprofit}} and we help families who are homeless. Would love to meet and learn more about you and tell you what we do."

And they still agreed to meet with you.

Whew, cat's out of the bag! Now, you can enjoy the chat.

They already agreed to have lunch or meet with you and that's one of the biggest hurdles! You've opened the door to a conversation and the start of a relationship.

The conversation will likely lead to a donation discussion, so don't shy away when it does.

Just let the conversation flow. When the opportunity is there to discuss funding (as it will be), just talk about it openly and if appropriate, ask. Plus, you'll be surprised how many times they show up with a plan to give or a check in hand. 😃

Have a few starter conversations memorized

There's nothing wrong with having a few conversation ideas in your back pocket. In fact, I recommend it if you're especially nervous and not used to small talk.

In addition to questions, you'll listen and watch for small cues from the other person to ask further questions.

• Did they recently move to town? Ask them what restaurants they've tried so far.
• Did they mention they were going to a basketball game when you were on the phone with them last? Ask what basketball team they saw and how the game was.
• Comment on the coffee shop down the street and how you think it's the coziest shop in town. Ask them if they like coffee and what they're favorite kind is.

Each of these questions typically leads to one other small tidbit of information you didn't have before. Maybe you discovered they were at their granddaughter's basketball game. You now have a brand new conversation to start to learn more about their granddaughter!

Here are 21+ conversation starters to keep in your playbook:

Light-hearted general conversation starters

• What's been your favorite part of the day so far?
• Any fun projects you've been working on recently?
• How long have you lived in {{City}}?
• Follow up questions: What brought you here? Is your family all here? What school did you attend?
• What did you do this weekend? or Any plans for the weekend?
• Did you watch the Cowboys games? (yes I'm in Texas 😜 - you may have a different team)
• Have any kids or family nearby?
• Watched any good movies lately? Or Have you seen {{the biggest movie at the moment}}?

Personalized conversation starters

• I love that tie/shirt/jacket. Did you get that custom-made? (might be a gift from his daughter, which leads to more questions you can ask)
• That painting on the wall is beautiful. Where did it come from and what's the meaning?
• I noticed your son's team won the championship. Is he still playing baseball? What position did he play?
• Is that a picture of your family? How old are your kids?
• Love that picture of your dog! What's the name?
• What was your favorite part about {{university name on diploma on wall}}?

Grant Foundation specific questions

• What's been your favorite project you've funded and been part of? (good for foundation directors)
• What made your grandpa and grandma want to start the foundation? (Family foundations)
• How long have you been with the foundation? (Grant directors)
• I saw where you supported {{another nonprofit}}. They do really great work over there! How did you get connected to them?

Generalized questions and statements

• Any recommendations on what to eat here? (if at a lunch)
• Wow, what a neat chandelier in the entryway. Have you been here before? (common area)
• I've been here with my friend one time and it was great. I ordered {{this plate}}. Do you like {{specific appetizer}}?

P.S. Practicing these starters and replies to another person's cues in your regular conversations will turn you into an outstanding communicator.

Embrace the experience

After a few times of meeting donors and some experience, you'll start to relax and realize they typically just want to learn about you and your organization and understand how they can truly help.

Every meeting is a learning opportunity. You'll get better with practice, picking up on subtle cues and becoming more comfortable steering conversations. Even if a meeting doesn't go perfectly, it will be ok.

Sometimes, the outcome of a meeting will be exactly what you hoped for - they'll provide the funding you requested. Other times, they might surprise you with their own ideas on how they want to help. Either way, these meetings are about building relationships that can lead to long-term support for your cause.

The key is to stay genuine, listen to who they are, and be passionate about your cause. With time, you might even find yourself looking forward to these donor meetings as a chance to connect with others.